In my last post we had the author of the book Marriage is Beautiful with us and he explained to us how important Appreciation is in our marriage. In today’s post we once again have Kalu with us to tell us about another important ingredient in making our marriage beautiful.
STOP BRINGING UP MISTAKES FROM THE PAST
‘Forgive and forget,’ ‘let bygone be bygone.’
We have all heard this over and over and even said it over and over at one time or the other. Is this really a true saying or just something we say to fill up the gap while our mind is busy adding and subtracting.
Someone said ‘it is easy to forgive but difficult to forget.’ Another one said ‘you can forgive but don’t ever forget.’ what then should be the right approach?
A husband came to me and complained, ‘I really love my wife but each time we have an argument she seems to lose focus of what we are arguing about and begins to say a lot of hurtful things, she will bring up my mistakes from the past, she will talk nonstop over me even when I try to make a point. We end up hating each other more and nothing is ever resolved.’
Yet, another lady said, ‘I caught my husband in adultery, I have forgiven him but I have to keep reminding him from time to time of the big thing I forgave him of, so that he doesn’t do it again.’
This is a typical case of what is going on in most relationship. We try to hold on to our spouses mistakes, why? Let the truth be told, so that we can manipulate them and subject them to our will. In our mind, that is what we want to achieve but in reality, we end up hurting ourselves the more and creating a bigger gap in an already shaky relationship.
Joseph named his first son Manasseh (forget) ‘because God has made me to forget all my trouble.’ And his second son Ephraim (double prosperity) ‘because God has made me fruitful in the land of my suffering.’ (Genesis 41:51, 52). Joseph did it. Yes, I can say that it is possible to forgive and forget. However we cannot do it on our own, we
need the help of the Holy Spirit. I will share with us 4 things I do to close the door on any wrong or mistake and open new one for prosperity.
Refuse to live like a victim, stop looking for sympathy and start looking for solution
Isolate every particular present issue from the past issue
Allow perfect love to heal the hurt and scar
Ask God to use you to reach out to others too.
Consciously learn to forget. I am not promising an easy road but with your mind focused on ‘love does not keep record of wrongs,’ you will make it.