Forgive – Easier said than done!

In my last post we had the author of the book Marriage is Beautiful with us and he explained to us how important Appreciation is in our marriage. In today’s post we once again have Kalu with us to tell us about another important ingredient in making our marriage beautiful.

STOP BRINGING UP MISTAKES FROM THE PAST

‘Forgive and forget,’ ‘let bygone be bygone.’

We have all heard this over and over and even said it over and over at one time or the other. Is this really a true saying or just something we say to fill up the gap while our mind is busy adding and subtracting.

Someone said ‘it is easy to forgive but difficult to forget.’ Another one said ‘you can forgive but don’t ever forget.’ what then should be the right approach?

A husband came to me and complained, ‘I really love my wife but each time we have an argument she seems to lose focus of what we are arguing about and begins to say a lot of hurtful things, she will bring up my mistakes from the past, she will talk nonstop over me even when I try to make a point. We end up hating each other more and nothing is ever resolved.’

Yet, another lady said, ‘I caught my husband in adultery, I have forgiven him but I have to keep reminding him from time to time of the big thing I forgave him of, so that he doesn’t do it again.’

This is a typical case of what is going on in most relationship. We try to hold on to our spouses mistakes, why? Let the truth be told, so that we can manipulate them and subject them to our will. In our mind, that is what we want to achieve but in reality, we end up hurting ourselves the more and creating a bigger gap in an already shaky relationship.

Joseph named his first son Manasseh (forget) ‘because God has made me to forget all my trouble.’ And his second son Ephraim (double prosperity) ‘because God has made me fruitful in the land of my suffering.’ (Genesis 41:51, 52). Joseph did it. Yes, I can say that it is possible to forgive and forget. However we cannot do it on our own, we
need the help of the Holy Spirit. I will share with us 4 things I do to close the door on any wrong or mistake and open new one for prosperity.

 Refuse to live like a victim, stop looking for sympathy and start looking for solution

 Isolate every particular present issue from the past issue

 Allow perfect love to heal the hurt and scar

 Ask God to use you to reach out to others too.

Consciously learn to forget. I am not promising an easy road but with your mind focused on ‘love does not keep record of wrongs,’ you will make it.

Appreciation…a big word!

Hi y’all… So the last time I had written a little about this book called Marriage is Beautiful that I was reading. Well I have since finished the book and today I have a little treat for you. I asked the author of the book to write a little post for us. Below is what he wrote…….

YOU ARE THE BEST HUSBAND EVER
I remember when my wife said the above words to me. She said it coolly, calmly and in a very soft voice. I was getting ready to go to the office then. I just smiled and said thank you.

I thought that was the end of it, but the words just kept on ringing in my ears for the rest of the day. I will be working on something and suddenly, I will just hear, you are the best husband ever all over again. Each time I hear the words, I will just start smiling all over again. I was so happy that day, putting cheerfulness into everything I was doing. Such is the power of appreciation.

Since then, my wife has kept on telling me on numerous occasions and in different ways how much she appreciates and loves me. Sometimes, it comes in a simple ‘thank you’ and at other times, with a surprise dish prepared and waiting for me as I come back home. On each of these occasions, this act has produced tenderness and a feeling in me that cannot be described by mere words. Any wife can make her husband to feel like a king by choosing the right words to build and uplift her husband. You can actually take your husband to great unimaginable heights of success by just speaking life giving words to your husband and showing appreciation as much as your creativity will allow you.

When you take a close look at it, saying thank you to our partner takes no effort, but is very important. There is nobody who is involved in a marriage union who won’t like to be appreciated. When your wife prepares for you a beautiful meal, telling them thank you and mentioning how beautiful the meal was makes them feel appreciated. Also telling your wife you value her contribution in the home and expressing your gratefulness for the effort she makes in taking care of the children will go a long way in boosting her self esteem.

A wife could also thank her husband for being the kind of man he is. She could appreciate him for everything he does for her and how happy she is to be with him. Men with their sensitive ego will always deeply feel this kind of appreciation. Thank you is a simple phrase that can give your marriage a new lease of life.

Begin today to show it!!!….